Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in donkey_job's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
1:56 pm	Suffocating on my gout At my funeral I want everyone to sing sea shanties. But this time I want you to sing it like you mean it. I was once a conductor for a shivers orchestra. "Brrr brr brrr brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" My conductor stick was made of an icicle. This joke was made in Taiwan. The bad part of Taiwan where MasterChef was created. For valentines day I want a bucket of tears filled to the rim, splashing all over the floor. How romantic would that be? If someone saved all their tears for me and deliberately cried and while feeling such sadness thought of me and grabbed the bucket and filled it every time. If they did that I'd consider getting with them big time. Grab their hair, dance a polka and take hizarious photos of us making whoopy with the leaning tower as a prop. Either get me that, or a confession from Sarah Jessica Parker that she's a half woman half horse hybrid. I have recycled all my bad ideas and turned them into great ideas. Just like Jesus but without all the boners. Jesus had many boners. We never know if Jesus cranked it but why not? You know what would have been embarrassing? If Jesus got a boner while being crucified. He could have liked that sort of shit. He asked me not to write about this but he was the one going all Twitter crazy and telling everyone about my love for awkward lift conversation so fair is fair. I admit I do like a good spot of lift conversation. There's nothing like "gee it's cold out there", "you're food smells good" and "it seems like xmas comes earlier every year" to really get me thinking. And I realised they are right!!! Christmas comes earlier every year. A year ago I had Xmas 10 times and this year i had it 14 times. Mother fuck me! And it is very cold out there. They were right about that too. I think it has something to do with all the Grizzly Bears pissing on everyone's faces. I was told to play dead. But then they went in for number 2s. Slinty eyed bastards! Poo bear indeed. So let's all get jiggy with it. Dry hump the air and dance til our ears are filled with wax we can make into candles that will light the room in which we morph into panda bears intent on not fucking the other panda they've been assigned to fuck and its getting reported on the news that the pandas ain't fucking again because there's nothing better, nothing better my furry fucktard friends than sticking it up the ass of authority. As Pennywise said in 500 songs that all sound the same "fuck uff forrity!". I'll skate to that. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
10:47 am	You Say Shut Up I Say This Is My Parliament My hairbrush won best hairbrush stuck up a four years old ass which is great and I’m really happy for it but now the toothbrush is jealous. Everyone is jumping on that “let’s go and get a personality” bandwagon and they’re leaving me behind. What happened to the good old days when ugly people were insightful through bitterness and the beautiful people wrung elitism through their bouncy breasts and uncellulite ridden bottoms? There are flowers growing in the garden that I’m trying to stop. They form a coalition of the pollen and my nostrils take over leaving me giddy and skipping through the meadow that accompanies my house. A small man plays violin, the sun beats down upon my face sending the sixth sense of radiation energy upon my face and turns up the corners of my lips. Nobody gets to share this feeling. I can beat my girlfriend on a weekly basis and I’ll still think I’m a good donkey. We all wait for heaven. We are all just so damn deserving of our personal heaven. I just assume that everyone gets to share the happiness of the meadow. When I connect my fist to my girlfriends jaw the smile from the meadow is assumed. How could she not possibly know it? It’s a counter act. Dishing out my own form of karma. Personal hell is attempting to type with hoofs. Communication is the key to the root of all evil happiness. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 28th, 2006
11:21 pm	Sexier than the blue stuff found in your belly button I’ve deciphered the meaning of life. Survival of the fittest my friend. Survival of the fittest. You’ve got to prove you’re bigger than everyone. So I’ve killed just a little bit more than the equivalent of my body weight of every single animal on the planet. Two million ants Three giraffe legs A nibble on a whale Three quarters of a horse Etc Etc All dead. All eaten. I tore a hole in my left universe. Black holes take months of surgery. If an STD was becoming extinct would it put on the endangered species list? Do you realise someone out of necessity invented the word diarrhoea? Current Mood: toilet cake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
3:33 pm	High Five For Leprosy There’s no way out of this marriage. I have no choice a commitment is a commitment. I told Cindy I’d love her forever so that means I have to fuck her while looking deep into her eyes night after bloody night. I want to stab out her eyes and put them in a jar and shake the jar and then put her eyes back into her head and maybe we could start all over again. I’ve got the hots for ambition. I go all blushy around her. I just want to achieve! I figure if I play the bad guy then I’m in. This involves being lazy as all fuck. That’s like the opposite of ambition you see? I’m a clever little donkey. Ambition has the most lovely blue eyes. I want to stab her eyes out and put them in my fish tank. Of course the tank would be filled with Evian spring water – this ain’t no average lady and I’m a true gentleman. I was made out of paint last week and got to cover some graffiti on a train wall. “Puffing Billy Posse 4Eva Niggaz” is now covered in royal donkey job blue. Then I got inhaled up some Aborigine’s nose. No fucking fun at all I tell you what senore. Time for some choose your own adventure. You’re in a cave and you see a light ahead do you molest children? You do? That’s great. Turn to page 47, close the book and head straight back to the kindergarten. Current Mood: ring (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
9:54 pm	You Say Mr Whippy, I Say Poo I’m sorry I haven’t written in here for so long but the last five seconds have been so full on that I just haven’t been able to find the time. It was a chocka block 5 seconds but really I probably could have written. “I’m too busy” really means “you’re not important enough for me” but we all know that. We all play the game, we all love Robin Williams in Jumanji until someone gets hurt. Jerks! The lot of you. I played with my He Mans and let Skeletor win so now all hell will break loose. I fucked up and I’m sorry. Black is now white, good is now evil and yelling ‘Taxi’ when someone drops a glass is now funny. My grandma-ma knitted me a beanie to wear when I’m coming down so I knitted her gravel rash and something to do with Bert Newton. All old women like Bert Newton. That’s the point of the beanie and well gravel rash, that’s a family tradition like changing the will in your favour when your parents die. I’m hoping my parents die so I can then grow a beard like Charlie from Party of 5. Man that was one smooth beard. I remember them doing a lot of sighing too. Sighing is underrated like the Colonel Sanders’ ties with the KKK. I hardcore sneeze like a walrus snorting snuff. I sneeze like you look for compliments. I sneeze like a mouse that has hay fever that is scared of the elephant but is unaware of the irony of its fear that is in the garden DURING spring where there’s heaps of pollen and the sun is in its cute little mousey eyes and someone is sticking a ball point pen in its guts (which I think may make you sneeze more but this is debatable) – this is how hardcore I sneeze. But I digress, I sneezed and got stuck in the internet cable. I got sent to yet another porn site. Please don’t click on the kiddy porn section… dammit… that’s the worse five minutes of my life. An extra in a pornographic moment really is the kicker when it comes to low self esteem. Meanwhile your stuck with regret and the History has now been deleted so I have no evidence of your sick thoughts Minister. I was only released from the cable because Steven Spielberg came along and wanted the plot to be tied up all nicely and for everything to solve itself. Nice work Steven. Speaking of unwanted ejaculations, I’m shaking my leg in nervousness because Cindy is pregnant with probably my foal. I sprayed perfume on my mix tape and gave it to her after class. I hope she touches herself while listening to my Macarena Christmas remix. This is a situation where more masturbation would have been a good thing. Now she’s gonna have the kid and I’ll be stuck on welfare, working at McDonalds getting the same damn question from everyone. Here’s my reply: “ No I haven’t seen the Hamburgler officer – yes I am aware that he is a multiple offender… well what do you expect me to do about it? What can I say he’s quick, he’s crafty and a hamburger junkie. One time I saw him injecting McDonald’s mayonnaise in his arm. Yes I agree Grimace does look like Roseanne. Thank you have a nice day. Wait I’ll be right back… Just kicked the woman down the stairs. She found it kinda funny, a little bit sad but it made me fill out the ‘bad guy’ role that she loves me to be. Just to make sure I’ll make her a you-got-kicked-down-the-stairs-and-lost-your-baby mix tape. First track would have to be Celine Dion’s ‘my heart will go on’. That would be so appropriate. Second track would be ‘I kicked you down the stairs you fucking bitch’ written by me! No I’d never eat a sperm sandwich don’t be ridiculous. I’m off to sun baked with my good friend the personalised number plate. His name is GR8 ASS. He’s a real winner, like Pat Rafter - no wait he lost all the time. A real winner like Lleyton Hewitt – no wait he’s a wanker. A real winner like Kerry Packer – no wait he had to get a helicopter heart. A real winner like my new sponsor Cherry Col. If you need a drink that will refresh, revitalise drink V. If you want a drink that will make you bark at cars and drive kennels drink Cherry Col. I’m not going to tell you what to do though. Life is all about controlling your own destiny and believing in yourself and not trying to get fat unless you’re from the third world then you’re fucked and you’ve got nothing and you’ll never be fat. What did the bus driver say to the artichoke? If you can’t pay for a ticket then get the fuck off my bus you fucker. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
5:29 pm	Under Da Sea I got given an honourable doctorate in breaking people’s self esteem. Here’s how… Dad got a new job so now we’ve moved to under the sea. Sing it with me: “ Under the sea…. under the sea” I promised Shit Worm he could come visit anytime provided he doesn’t collect fish doodie. I told Cindy not to worry too much as I’ll be back one day to finger her behind the shelter shed. My next door neighbour is Jelly Belly the jelly fish. It’s strange having a friend who comes around to borrow a cup of sugar that looks a little bit like a vagina. What would a sea world be without the clichéd token shark? I tell you where it would be – not where I fucking live that’s for sure. Marmaduke likes bingo, I like spinning the bingo ball carryer thingo. He claims I rigged it so he’s numbers wouldn’t come up and he’s right. He’s either perceptive or just a paranoid stoner who was flukily right on this one occasion. Have another cone Marmaduke you fucking bonghead. One time he tripped out, thought he was a dolphin and spent two hours down at 7/11 counting his pennies to get a tuna slurpee. Turn to page 43 for the Asian manual. School is rather bland like walking in the desert. I sat on the bus kicking the back of the seat in front of me. The kicks caused a hole in the seat meaning Charlie the sea horse couldn’t chat up Mona the crab anymore because he’s worrying that my boot will kick him in the stomach killing his babies. It’s hard enough as it is to pick up when your pregnant – well mum tells me that all the time, but it’s even harder when you’ve got six inches of Doc Martin swinging at your stomach every three seconds. Finally my foot connected into his guts causing his babies to fly out of his mouth as he regurgitated up his spawn. Even worse, the placenta filled vomit landed on Mona and she scuttled her way up the front and asked Jelly Belly if he could carry her books home in his vagina. Went to the swimming pool and gave Harry the Whale Parkinson’s’ disease. What can I say, I wanted it to be more like a spa. Came third in the bikini fashion parade, probably could have won if I hadn’t had breakfast that morning. Gotta suck in the gut, gotta suck in the gut. I guess it’s all about adapting to the culture and because I’m new here people are more attracted to me which is a massive bonus for my boner. That being said, it doesn’t stop me from continually putting the sea life down. “On the surface we can get wrinkly from being in the bath too long…. On the surface we roll hoola hoops down the street… On the surface paedophiles hide in more interesting places than just behind sea shells…” I’m constantly yammering, putting everyone down and spreading fear tactics - kinda like the Republican Convention. I sat on the park bench with my box of chocolate watching the turtles go by. “No you can’t fucking have one turtle now fuck off!”. I got on the interchange bench for the debating team. We argued that the chances of winning a one in six chocolate bar is more rewarding than placing a coin in the back of a pelican’s neck and side stepping jury duty when a serial killer blames society on his need to bash people across the face with a giant gherkin he found on the side of the road after his car broke down and he found a picture of his abusive mother who didn’t let him watch advertisements that promoted the one in six chances you have of winning another free chocolate bar. We lost. I was eating seaweed so it didn’t make any sense to the judges. I wanted to bribe them but I’d spent all my money on picture frames to hang up on the wall of me rolling hoola hoops down my old street. Even if I sometimes get a little lonely, I like it here though. I really do. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 3rd, 2004
10:17 am	That's Not Spit Make up my mind for me, put it in a pot and stir in 23 times clockwise and minus 9 times anti-clockwise. I got arrested for impersonating integrity. My copying skills are obviously poor - should have got tips from Joanna Griggs. Went on the catwalk in my new designer concrete shoes. The Mafia Collection is going to be a hit this years I tells ya. Ronald McDonald and the KFC Colonel painted Subway Jared black and then lynched the poor fucker. How many calories are in that geeks head? Not fucking enough according to the clown paedophile. Talking to my parents is like trying to watch Hi-Five and not get an erection. Dad's drinking Omo again and mum's shoving socks down his throat and feeding him glasses of warm water. She should know better - Omo requires cold water. I went speed dating and all I can remember is drinking 20 litres of water and now my teeth have been half grinded off. "What's your name? Let's Fuck! No? Fuck it I'm going home to watch Hi-Five". Going to watch pay-per view tonight it's the event of the century. Don Burke is going to be blind folded and he's gonna shove a pot plant up his ass and then guess what plant it is. I'm hoping it's a cactus. I got inspired by the Olympics. Next week I'm going to take drugs, pretend that I didn't care that I'm not first in line at the supermarket, beat my whacking off in one day record and label anyone who disagrees with me as Un-Donkey Job. I didn't write any of this, you did. Now give me my mind back. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 10th, 2004
2:14 pm	Patronise Me I'm Irish I got lost on the way to succcess. I stopped and asked for directions and got kicked in the back and sold to Afganhistan so they could make those delicious biscuits. Don't you hate it when you jerk off then you turn on the TV and there is some really good porn on and now you wished you hadn't jerked off just yet because now you've got some better inspiration? I need a state of being one with my spirit. To do that I think of a Buddhist saying such as "What does a vibrator do when it wants to get off?" or "What do you do when your dust buster gets dusty?". Current Mood: Jelly Scrotum (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
4:21 pm	I gave your wife cancer and all I got was this lousy death threat Today I went shopping for self respect but I ended up buying mobile phone credit and calling the suicide help line. The bastards were fucking useless. Instead of giving me tips they tried to persuade me to try and not kill myself. My solution for not killing yourself? Kill someone who's annoying the shit out of you. I started a new company that creates witty one liners and then tries to destroy the joke with overkill but then I realised the bumper sticker industry was already in over supply. Driving to work at the bumper sticker factory would be just great wouldn't it? You'd be driving down the street and notice a Datsun in front of you and you'd be like "That's my piece of art on the rear windscreen." Then you'd be competing with your co-workers as to who has the best bumper sticker on your car at the car park. My bumper sticker would say 'I fuck sheep and they want me baaaad' cos that is like so hilarious. Shit Worm asked me to join his band which does covers of the rehearsed but made to look like it was improvised bits of cover bands. I said I didn't know if I wanted to join but then he said that the band is helping keep live music alive but his argument sounded a little too well rehearsed for me. I like to make useless chit chat with my co workers. "How about this weather?" is a good one. "Who do you think will get kicked out of big brother this week?" is another gem. My favourite one is "Are you aware that both of us are showing no interest whatsoever in the other person and we are only making idle banter to pass the time and make it look like we have something in common so we don't slit each other’s throats?" I like hearing old wives tales too. Did you hear that one about the woman who was a trophy wife whose car dealing husband died from smoking too much cigar smoke so now she sits in her house watching Wheel Of Fortune, calling John Laws and complaining and making up improbable remedies for incurable diseases. Ah, that's a good one. Don't forget to go fuck yourself. Keep the dildo under the bed feeling like it's important. Current Mood: Necrophiliac (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
10:25 am	Is that pee or cordial? For a bunch of social misfits, pirates are pretty well organised. They have a captain who everyone obeys and a first mate ready to give orders and consults with the captain on his decisions. Sometimes I think the captain gets the wooden leg just to gain some credibility. Either way, shit worm has gone the chop and now he's hopping around say "arrrgh!" and well, really looking the part. The fact that shit worm doesn't have any legs to begin with is quite strange but a pirate's gotta do what a pirate's gotta do and that's rape, pillage and plunder anything they can get their hands on. I do feel a little bit sorry for the partons of the roller skating rink. I keep having this strange reoccurring dream of getting up, going to school, coming home and watching TV, talking on the phone for a little bit, having dinner, doing homework and then going to bed. I drank 40 gallons of guilt, went to confession and burped the alphabet to the minister. When he didn't respond I took upon myself to stick everything upside down by attaching it to the ceiling. Satan would have been proud had he not been playing scrabble with Princess Di at the time. The words "deserving" scored him 50 points. Current Mood: Last grape in the bunch (Comment on this)
Friday, May 7th, 2004
12:57 pm	Here, Have Some Aids I hopped into a shopping trolley and had Shit Worm push me into church. I'm a safeway special which is on par with Jesus and don't you fucking forget it. Next week I go back to being regular old donkey boy - a reasonable buy but nothing worth writing to your sick grandma in Pakistan about and besides, she's too worried about getting beaten for making the food wrong. She gets to combine curry, sand, her own blood from husband beatings and poppadums every fucking day. It's her own fault if she can't get it right by now. I bent the train into a boomerang and threw it around the city loop. No more complaints than usual for Connex I can assure you of that señoreé. Speaking of being lazy, ah forget it. I painted the Nova sign on my car and had teenagers follow after me like Ethiopians chasing an ice cream truck. For prizes I gave them anthrax, used syringes and Roseanne blow up dolls but it's still better than the shit they normally give away. Jesus was never this generous. Current Mood: Soiled brown (Comment on this)
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
2:52 pm	Has Anyone Seen My Foreskin? I mother fucking bitch slapped some eggs made them into a bra and gave them to my best friend's mom. I then told her they belong in her ovaries and would assist her in any way possible. She looked at me funny, maybe she is a man. I took a dump on the steps of parliament today, I figured if people were going to talk shit I may as well take it one step further. Someone asked me today, "Oi you! Are you a donkey or a person?". How the fuck am I supposed to answer that? I turned around and said "Look mum you did all those things in "the past" and now you have to suffer the consequences - now get out of my underwear drawer." I worked on my hobby today which is painting little models of a guy painting models of a guy that is painting models of a guy that is painting models of a model kit. Sometime I walk around and just randomly say 'model' so people think I'm spasticated and give me free ice cream. Tomorrow I am going to the American Embassy so I can set out a really nice picnic lunch full of sandwiches, lemonade and scones. I'm gonna cross my legs, make the American flag my picnic blanket and then eat the food and blanket all together just to see the look on their faces. Then I'm going to steal the receptionist's car, crash in through the front window, vomit my meal up all over her and then ask her out on a date. You've got be original these days to be romantic. I'm going to the Liberal convention next week. Percy didn't want to come but when I told him he'll be able to see a lot of cunts he jumped at the chance. Only problem was he was wearing rollerskates and was a kangaroo at the time so you can imagine what happened from there. Oh you can't? Ah fuck. Percy gets pissed off when I end sentences before they. Current Mood: Stillborn baby (Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
1:20 pm	Blue Rinse On My Grandma is Too Hot I put my will power on the stock market but I can't be bothered seeing how it's selling. I returned Mario his overalls, in the front pocket there was a receipt for the book "How to nail a princess", he must have read it a couple of times. Percy is concerned that Mario and Luigi both screw the same chick but as I told Percy, just like I tell everybody, "If you wanna fuck a princess, you have to be prepared to make compromises." I had a horrible nightmare that the people were being sucked into a vacuum of boredom and were being inspired by spineless and uncharismatic characters - no wait that was an episode of Rove I watched last week. Dad freaked out on acid again and claimed that the devil crab was rising again from the depths of the sewer. His predictions are so obvious. That's like claiming that a light aeroplane will crash somewhere in northern Australia, Delta Goodrem will be portrayed as being nice, the song "Holy Grail" by Hunters and Collectors will be played before the Grand Final and Shit Worm will come to school with shit all over his fucking goon face. Went to the disco, had an epileptic fit and won first prize in a dance-off. The next day I went fishing and caught 3 ugg boots, a George Foreman grill and Robin Williams' beard. I threw the beard back because I didn't want to take away something so serious. Current Mood: Hole in my pocket (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
11:01 am	I'm In Love With My Best Friends' Toaster I'm opposed to the idea of a Christmas tree so I'm going to cut off my legs, stick my stumpy torso into a bucket and hang Christmas balls from my earlobes. It will be just Christina Aguilera except I won't smell like a rotten fish tank. I stuck a knitting needle into my arm today to try and knit my arteries together to make a woolly jumper but all it did was temporarilleee s c r ooo UrtP my Co oR dInASHUNNNNNNN. I put a dinner plate down the back of my pants at school to see if it would have an effect on the ladies but all it did was confuse me at lunch time if I was eating or taking a shit. Waddle like a penguin in the Vatican and then ask the pope if it is a sin to eat tuna on Tuesday with your gay penguin lover. If he says "yes", bitch slap him with your huge penguin fins and then waddle the fuck away. You know when you say something seriously and people think you are joking so then you act like you meant it was funny and for the moment you pause and question the friendship you have with that particular person because they obviously don't understand you very well? Well that has never happened to me. Qualmsy knows me like a book. When I say I want to roast his ass, he knows to get his fat fucking pigeon ass out of the way cos I am a few seconds away from lighting the grill. I turned into a tricycle and had a fat fuck tried to ride me through the busy streets of Calcutta. His fat ass hurt my back and the dinner plate down his pants kept sticking into my spine. He won't be getting a Christmas Card from me this year. Current Mood: Martin Bryant (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
5:26 pm	Magic Johnson Ain't So Magic Anymore I've got voices in me head again, dammit, forgot I had the headphones on. My dad got charged with sexually harassing a woman at work today. The woman said he tried to feel her up by the photocopier but dad says that is a lie as he was really just jacking off while staring at her. Have you ever wandered what it would be like to live on the moon? I haven't, don't bore me with your crap. Froggles came over today, first time I had seen him since he had been out of jail. Innocence - shminocence, I don't know about you, but I can tell the difference between a 12 year old and a 18 year old girl. Froggles loves collecting things. Like fucking anything. Like he would collect a collector if he could. He would collect the collector collecting the collection plate at church if it meant he would have a collection worth collecting. One more time.... collecting Hit me again COLLECTING My teddy bear is evil. It plans to things. It watches me in my sleep. I did that thing where you close your eyes and it looks like you are asleep but really you can see through the little slits and it was fucking staring at me man. I was freaking out like a gay weirdo. Read it again, it makes sense. The teddy bear carries The AIDS. Some people are into plushing. That's how this teddy bear is evil cos this one has the Aids and plushys fuck it and then they get the Aids and then they give it to another bear and the cycle continues like the Tour De Fucking France. Bon Jour cuntholes Current Mood: Meow (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
1:29 pm	I got a job as a waiter in a theme restaurant. The theme is "let's pretend to be a fucking normal person when deep down I want to kill every last mother fucker in this place and then dress up in women's clothing." It's pretty cool. I carry out the food, they eat it, they pay me shit wages, I jack off in the toilets to pass the time. It's all fun and games and I can now save up for that deluxe pencil sharpener I've been dreaming about since the 3rd grade. It's one of those electrical ones that goes "buuzzzzzzz" but in a whirring way. I don't know how to describe a whirring sound. I want it to make the pencils really sharp so I can fucking stick that thing into my teachers throat and rip off her shirt and stick the 1 meter ruler in her ass and start singing selected favourites from broadway while watching the blood seap from her neck and dancing like an excited bullfrog when he sticks his sticky from sperm into the eggs. So glad I'm not a frog. For starters, they are fucking ugly. For enders they have to stick their dick into eggs and that's their number form of satisfaction. Have you ever stuck your penis into an egg before? They fucking taste like shit afterwards but you can still make a decent omelette. I dreamt about making sweet love to Cindy last night. I want to tell her but I think that would be unfair as in the same dream I was gang-banging with Larry Emdur, Shit Worm, Bert Newton's wife, Qualmsy the Pigeon, Qualmsy The Pigeon's mum, the five year old kid I sell crack to at the kindergarten and Phar Lap and I can't be bothered telling them all. I am a busy man with a busy schedule. Current Mood: Sticky (Comment on this)
1:18 pm	Another Day The high school dance is coming up and I really want to ask Cindy but I am just so shy. Shit Worm and I want to go in together in a double date. We have the most original idea ever. We are going to get a limo!!!! Then we are going to take it through the drive in at McDonalds. That will charm the pants off Miss Cindy. She'll suck my McDick for sure after that. I gave speed to Percy as a present for watching my dog. He did a good job too. He only stuck his finger up its ass once and as Percy put it, "the dog was asking for it anyway." Qualmy The Pigeon isn't a bad bloke and I've enjoyed spending time with him. The only problem I have with him is that he fucking shits everywhere and keeps asking me for food over and over again. I caught mum watching porn again and it's driving me crazy. It's great that she is proud of my achievements but really you make one tape of you and your ex girlfriend fucking and she makes the biggest deal about it. She watches it over and over again and them embarasses me by showing it to all her friends whenever they come around to show them how proud she is of her son. Current Mood: Boner (Comment on this)
12:53 pm	Sundried Tomatoes In My Hair I keep taking pills because my life is so bad. I was looking up a cool word in the dictionary to use in my live journal to impress everyone and that page had been teared out!!!! I hate everyone, you can all get fucked. No one does anything for me. Percy is to busy with Qualmy the Pigeon. I think Percy may be a homosexual poofter, then again I may think that because his name is Percy. Being a donkey is hard work. Everyone likes horses better. How many donkeys did you see in Lord Of The Rings? None. How many horses did they have? FUCKING HEAPS. It's a conspiracy by the fucking Lord of The Rings assholes to keep the donkey down. I'm glad that they didn't have heaps of donkeys in that movie because then it would be saying that "donkeys endorse homosexual behaviour between men of all shapes and sizes". Lord of the Anal Ring more like it. Shit Worm is coming over later. We are going digging for nuggets but he always wins. He has like a nugget-finding-tractor-beam or something. The girl I like whose name is Cindy, stared at me in Geometry. I hope she knows it was me that threw that brick through her window last night. Current Mood: shit stains in my gums (Comment on this)
12:49 pm	Deep Like The Ocean So Percy walks in and he's like WOOOOOOOOOOAAHH and I'm like Zeee Ooooooooo and then he quit. I hope I don't get possessed like that movie with the thing that goes crazy and kills it parents and then it kills that jock kid who is making out with his hot girlfriend who made fun of that slightly strange but good looking kid who ends up with the jock's girlfriend because the jock is now dead and she now realises that this guy is really good looking and brave and has a heart beat. I went to sleep with a jumper sleeve stuck up my ass and I woke up with my underpants on inside out. FREAKY Mamma always used to say "grave digging is not cool" but whose in rehab now slut??? I high fived the coolest jive in town in the hallway at school today. I hope that girl looks at me and writes in her diary about me like I am about her. I just hope I can somehow manifest my possessive ways into her vagina. I had a picture of her in my yearbook from last year but I kept jacking off to it too much and now her face sticks to the page about our swimming day. God I hope she reads this and finds out how much I love her. Off to kindergarten now to sell some drugs. Current Mood: Fluffy (Comment on this)